That's how weak I am.

Just woke up from an afternoon nap. I was supposed to go for cell group meeting but I'm felt quite tired and abit sick cause of all the recent late nights and all the craziness for the past few days. Looks like I'm not going for cell group. I know if I had wanted to go I definitely would have gone. That's just how weak I am.. and I really feel disturbed about that. I'm definitely not that rooted into Christ just yet. It was just so easy for me to say NO to going for cell group. Hmm.. worst of all, I haven't been doing quiet time for the past few nights not to mention praying to God? I only prayed once during the chalet night. Argh.. my fire for God right now is just like a candle in a wind. (Remember that song?) The song is supposedly about how fragile life is and how the candle which represents our life can be blown off just like that. That's what my walk with God is right now. I feel it goes something like this. God and us hold a candle each and God would do anything to keep the candle with him alight but it's really all up to us to keep our candle lighted up. Come to think of it, I'm not that sick.

I'm not acting like my earlier resolution of making life count. If that were a date with someone I liked, I definitely would have jumped out of bed right away. Is this how weak my relationship with God is? If so which I sincerely believe so, then I really have much to do about it.

Anyway since I just woke up for the nap I could remember majority of the dream I was having. It was about ALEX. We were in Fairfield Secondary and sitting at the back stair case near my old Secondary 4 locker. We were sitting on the stair case which was going to the roof and guess what we were doing. We were playing Counter-Strike. (I'm not too sure if it's real life CS or computer CS but I think it was the real life one). LOL. We were camping up there and talking about life I think. The worst part is after that we went for a FCBC church service together which appears to be on a Wednesday which is today. So the dream is like about today. The service ended early and I had this exact same cell group meeting which I was supposed to have and my cell leader told me to go to Eunos MRT at 4.45pm since we ended early. I ended up playing soccer at Anfield I think instead of going for the cell group.. And I think the sermon was about relationships. I think one of the few points was "Is God the centre of the relationship?" and "Are you really letting God take control of that relationship?" I'm not too sure if the points I dreamt about was that but it really speaks to me about what I'm going through now.

Back to the present. Later there is this prayer meeting at 7.30pm. Should I go? or should I not? I know it should be the first one but we'll see yea.