I hate this song

You know there are those days where you just feel utterly depressed and just feel like rotting away at home? Today was one of those days for me. I don't know why I'm feeling like this? Maybe cause of the stupid guilt I feel for hurting someone, or maybe it's due to the fact that I'm leaving Singapore in less than a month? It just doesn't seem real to me that I'm leaving so soon. Yea, I guess that the fact hasn't sunk into my head.



Cause nobody wants to be the last one there,
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares,
Someone to love with my life in their hands,
There's gotta be somebody for me like that,
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own,
And everyone wants to know the night alone,
There's somebody else that feels the same somewhere,
There's gotta be somebody for me out there.

Vulnerable

So my right eye is like swollen cause of some mosquito crap. Last night I got alot of mosquito bites while sleeping. Next time it rains, I must remember to close the windows.

So today, I met Alden and Grace at Dailyscoops. How do I describe it.........

Forever

Well, yesterday was fun. Wen Zhao stayed over. He's been my friend since P5 so we always meet up during each holidays. I had lots of fun. Wen Zhao is like this friend who is from one entire different part of my life. It's really really cool to have this kind of friend. He is like this friend where I can tell him everything so easily. Hey, Alden, Alex and Jerome you are really great friends too! =]

He is the only friend whom I really enjoy playing computer games with. All my close friends are like non-gamers which sometimes really isn't too good. So we played Red Alert 3 (Red Alert 2 made us close in P6), Tekken, Guitar Hero. The fun part was Warcraft. We Dotaed with like my brother and his friends. So it was 2v4 and we owned them all. Really felt bad owning small kids in Dota. Seriously, it really feels bad to kill them. But it was real funny though. I think you can imagine? We went to Botak Jones for dinner and it was really great catching up with him.

With regards to my earlier post, I really love my brother and sorry for the profanities!

...

I hate to say this but I've got one fucking unreasonable brother. His is just fucking unreasonable. Seriously, fucking unreasonable. If you should just observe him in his natural habitat for one day, you'll notice him calling my maid 'bitch', 'fucker', 'fucking bitch' and all other sorts of profanities. It's not a one time thing and it's more of a more than 20 times per day kind of thing. He keeps saying he has no friends and I wonder why? He talks on the phone to his friend and I just can't help but observe his stupid pettiness and he gets jealous so easily and if he is not happy he just scolds fuck like nothing. He's only 11 years old and he's like that. He should just learn this simple fact of life 'Don't do to others what you don't want others to do'. Sadly, I don't think he will be getting it in the near future. He can just go around judging everyone the whole day for things they never do and just get pissed over nothing. You can just ask my aunties and uncles. His mood swings are crazy, worse than a girl and really it's impossible to tell him about his wrong doings simply because he won't accept it and he will give you that typical black face and act like he's not in the wrong and that the fact that you told him off means you're in the wrong. He is seriously spoilt to the core. I'm just so disappointed/irritated with him. Today, he was playing some game with his friend then he started scolding his friend son of a bitch and stuff like that cause of some minor problem. All I did was told him you shouldn't do that and explain to him why shouldn't he in a non screaming manner and he justs refuses to reply you. He should just get rid of his stupid pride. Like father like son, he always says my character is as asshole like as my father (which I am but in a tiny way, I admit) but he really can't see himself for who he is. His self-awareness is really like crap. Ok, I may have been the one who introduced him the 'f' word but look at him now. I seriously can't imagine him growing out of this phase. Right now I can imagine him being like this for his whole life. The good times with him are great but it always seems so short. You can never cross him and get out of it feeling at ease. You just tell him one fault of him and it's immediately your fault. I have a part to blame in who he is today but so has my mom's constantly spoiling of him and my father's negligence in his life. I guess my part to blame lies in the fact that I introduced him the 'f' word and that my behavior in my younger days were pretty unreasonable at times but I am sure I was never like him. There's no way for me to help him to learn and I guess it's up to my parents to straighten him out.

Ok, don't mind the profanities but I'm just pretty irritated.

With You

I wished God blessed me to be good at something I want to be. In other words I wish I would be blessed with a talent? I won't say what it is here but I told someone about it.

The past few days have been great. Yesterday went with Alden to Daily Scoops. It was good, haven't been there for so long already. The ice cream there is so so nice. After that went to Cold Storage to get beef jerky. Another great snack to munch on. After that he came over then we went to Jerome's place to more of talk instead of 'jam'. Anyway it was great catching up with Alden.

Today was soccer downstairs with Jerome and his family with Alden and Sheng Wei. After that it was supposed to be a movie but one of Jerome's cousins lost his EZ-Link so we didn't watch. I still had fun. Jerome and family left early so we went to Coffee Bean to hang out. I think I always say this but it's really great talking to all of them. I had fever just now, but now it's better I think.

Fever..

Oh dear.. I'm like having a fever right now. Still deciding if I should go out for the movie later. It's like 38.3 degrees..

I'm gonna blog about the past few days later.

Broken

Ok, basically I really want to grow closer to my brother. I mean he's one person I've never really been close to and when I see him sometimes I just can't believe that he's my brother. Really if there's one thing I would redo in my life it would be my relationship with him. Let's just say I wasn't the best brother to him and neither was he to me. Too bad I'm like 17 and he's like 11 this year so it's sort of hard to grow closer already. Sometimes I try to talk to him but most of the time he just pushes me away. Quite sad actually..

Anyway Alex came at night. Had fun talking and just slacking. He came to take stuff and return me stuff too. Great hanging out with him. Let's see we talked about girls, Heroes, the past, life, soccer, abit of God, and the list can go on and on. Have fun in Perth!!

That Song

When I meet the 'one', I'm gonna write a song if I can? Sounds cheesy.. Oh well, Heroes is starting to get REALLY interesting. Seriously very interesting already. For the sake of those who haven't watched it yet I won't spoil. Can't wait for the next episode.

So today I didn't go church but I watched last weeks service online so I guess it's not as bad? The service last week was really good. I should have gone. My brother's really selfish. Urgh! Nothing much happened today? I'm like using one hand to type cause I'm icing my head..

Love Story

My new favorite song for now Love Story. It's really really nice.

Today, was my cell leader's or ex cell leader's wedding which sadly I didn't go cause I had to send my brother for tuition. Lame excuse right?? So I like sent my brother for tuition and fell asleep there while waiting for him there. Read some Christian papers which I printed about healing and faith. God will heal me, I know.

My brother got a 360 today cause his results were not bad! He's becoming smart and I'm happy for him. Yesterday, played guitar with Jerome. Oh my goodness, he's super good now.

Went for some therapy thing yesterday at SGH. Ya, nothing much happened yesterday though.

Although at night went to Jerome's place. Caught up and stuff. Ya, that's good.

Goose Eggs

Ouch.. Yesterday I slipped and hit the back of my head against the floor. It's like super painful now and there is one big 'baluku' there now. That's the only highlight of yesterday..

Boring...

"Messi has claimed that either Xavi or Sergio Kun Aguero should take the award from the 30-man shortlist, while Ronaldo has plumped for himself as the most deserving nominee." What the heck right? Who do you think will win it?

Anyway, today was pretty boring. I don't know why but I keep getting headaches these days. So I napped. I think the most prominent thing that happened to me today was nothing.. Can't exactly remember.

Also, I don't think I will be opening my blog yet.. Don't feel like anymore. Like typing to the public seriously sucks.

Hello world!

Ok, so I finally unlocked my blog. There are a few reasons why I unlocked it.

1) I'm leaving for Australia on the 24th December and I wanna keep you guys updated on my life there.
2) Ok, actually there is no 2?? I'm just following my instincts.

So basically this blog has been open since like 2005 or something like that?? Haha! Amazing how long I kept it closed right. Initally it wasn't locked though. Err so yea, enjoy your time here. =]

LOL

I've got something I wanna say. I've got this friend, let's just call this friend LOL. Wow, I'm really touched by LOL. LOL gave me an Arsenal jersey for my birthday which is great and I really like it alot. The thing is LOL won't even get a jersey for LOL because LOL finds it expensive. LOL was willing to get one for me! I'm so so thankful for LOL. Words can't describe how I feel. You may or may not read this LOL but really thanks alot. You've showed me what unselfishness is and I really thank God for you. LOL, I guess sometimes I really take you for granted for what a great friend you are and I really love you, as a friend of course! =] Thanks alot for your companionship and I can't thank God enough for you.

Today was a fun day and I know it's going to make it alot harder when I leave for Australia. Met Alden, Alex and Leroy at Dover MRT and we went to some Japanese place at Jurong Point to it. The food there was fantastic! Japanese buffet and not the Sakae kind. It's real Japanese food with great quality. Window shopped after that at Jurong Point. I saw this sleek Hi-Fi Set and I really feel like getting it man!! Back to the food, Sashimi and all the Japanese food you can think of. It's like paradise for ALEX! Went to Alden's house after that to chill. It was great. We played the guitar, piano and with a guinea pig. I never imagined myself playing soccer today but oh well, life has it's surprises so we went to Anfield for soccer and here I am now blogging.

Seeya!

Just another day

Sometimes I just wish I don't know when my birthday is so I'll be surprised or something. To be honest, on all birthdays I don't expect all my contacts on my phone to be like Happy Birthday! I don't expect my good friends to send me birthday wishes but I know they will and thank God that all my close friends wished me. It means alot to me. Thanks guys!

See, my birthdays has always been like this especially if it's on a weekend. From morning to evening do my stuff and at night go for dinner at some posh place. No exception this year. I wish my birthdays were like my friends and family coming over to my place and we order pizza and just hang out.

I'll be honest again. I've collected $850 in red packet money and really thank God for that but sometimes I really wish that my family just gave me presents. Like even if it's just a soccer ball, a pair of sneakers, shirts? Or anything at all I would appreciate it so much more but all year all I get is cash cash and more cash!

To end of the day I had a big quarrel with my mum. What a way to end the day.

She is Love

You know what made my night? Arsenal winning Man U 2-1!! Wow, I was expecting Arsenal to lose but well. Not like I support them though.

Soccer at the field just now. My soccer really sucks especially my first touch on the field. It's like what the heck?? Man!! I bought my luggage today.

I really can't wait to leave. It's going to be a new chapter in my life for me to write!

Realize

I just realized how much my mind has changed over the past few months. I mean big exposure to the media has sort of changed my mind that pre-marital sex is okay which obviously is not. The media has made me think that a relationship is supposed to be based on trust and other things but there must be sex inside. I didn't even realize that's how I thought until today. In truth, for a relationship to truly succeed, it must be based and built on God. With God as a foundation on a relationship it can withstand anything. Of course I know what the right standards are now and they are of course God's standards.

All this makes me wonder of how many relationships that I have with others are truly based on God? 0!! Never really noticed that before. I'm not saying a relationship without God wouldn't be fruitful, it just won't be that fulfilling or lasting.

About my earlier post about why doesn't God heal me. I've come to realize that it just means that it's not his will. The healing may or may never come and I'm prepared for it. I read this somewhere, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed you can tell the mountain to move from here to there. This is said in the bible right? But we don't see mountains flying around moving here and there do we? This is simply because it's not God's will. So now I know that my faith isn't the thing blocking out the healing. It's almost impossible not to have even a bit of faith in all you do. To many people including myself faith is believing that something will happen. But to me faith also means hoping for the best in a situation which to many is not faith but to me it is. As I was saying, it's impossible to not have faith so the only thing blocking out the healing is God's own will which is not a bad thing but a good thing in the big picture.

Made of Honor is real nice!! Damn, I've just got this thing for romantic comedies! Today's post is full of honesty, for a change. Seeya! =]





















AND THANKS GOD FOR HEALING MY WRIST!! =]=]=] XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXO

Healer??

You know I've got so many injuries/conditions that are really affecting me. If I'm not wrong there are at least 4 major problems I want healing for. I've been praying for sometime now but nothing seems to be happening. I know God is real but nothing seems to be happening and all this seems to be affecting my faith that there is a God up there. I know there is a God but my belief in it seems to be dwindling.

On a lighter note, life seems much more carefree now.

So Much Time

Figured that it's time for me to update. Wow, sometimes you think you've accepted a fact and when it comes closer to you, you just realize like what the?? And it suddenly feels so real.

Reason of absence this past few weeks is partially because of laziness but partially also because I was busy on almost every night so blogging became less of a priority.

Today, I'm officially no longer a NP student. Wow, I mean I submitted my form and everything today and surrendered my card. Bye Ngee Ann. Who knows, maybe one day I'll crash your lecture. I must say, Business and Engineering are worlds apart. The people there are totally different, totally opposite and I'm thankful for that experience. I mean, I always knew that there were such people but I didn't imagine them to be so close. I feel so free now because I know I don't have to drag myself to school the next day, figure out which class to cut or go and buy MCs.

Well, the past few days have been more meaningful then the past 2 weeks added up. I remember playing soccer on Saturday, patching up with my mum, helping someone financially, enjoying classes for once. I like engineering modules but I just hate classes in general.

You know it hurts whenever I smile because it's so hard to smile.















Because my lips have been so dry recently cause of some dumb medicine. So when I smile it really hurts quite badly. HAHA! Now, I've got so much time to do the stuff that really matters to me.

I'll update more frequently.