hmm... today has not really been a fruitful day at all. whoever sees this better not tell anyone about this la.. so today.. my dad talked to my mum about selling the flat and shifting. like since they only paid very cheap for this house at the point in time where they bought it they will profit alot and my mum says she will have no problem funding my education in scotland? lol. but i'm gonna bet she's not gonna get a cent of it due to some idiot i'd hate to but have no choice but to call my father. the moment my mum told me of this i knew it's gonna be one of her biggest mistakes in her life. i really don't care whether or not who gets the money. it's just that the process and the hypocrisy behind it. i am more or less sure what is going through my father's mind.. i mean he's like gonna quit his job again with no spare job.. what the heck right. and he's gonna freeload on my mum again. i mean families go through bad and good times together but during his good times he's never here with us and only during the bad times he comes back for help.. i mean u may think i'm just a 16+ year old coming 17 this year teenager what do i know and who am i to talk about him like this.. but i've been seeing this crap for the past few years of my life and it's not really a pleasant sight and i don't intend to see it again. well.. i guess he is like this cause of his relationship with God? (actually there's no relationship with God at all, from my perspective) He is seriously too arrogant to humble himself down before God (again, who am i to say this.. just ranting) He thinks he's the best he refuses to be realistic and be down to earth and he's seriously starting to piss me off big time. i really pity my mum who works so hard (leaves home at 6.30 and reaches home at 11 on an average basis) and yet has to go through what she's going through. i mean now since he's got no income who's gonna pay the bills? who pays for my brother's tuition fees. even in his good times when he was doing well, it was my mum paying for my brother's and my education. i dare say that my mum contributed 100% to my education in terms of finance and time. all he ever did was give some pet talks which never seem to work and all he does is claim the credit. HERE's an example! when i got my o level results, which was not bad at all l1r5, 11, he was so proud about it and he attributed my success to his talks about getting my basics right? thats utter bullshit. it's through God and hard work. especially during chinese new year he would show off and show off to my other aunties and uncles about my grades and there's nothing i can do about it? worse thing is he seriously has this I-AM-BETTER-THAN-EVERYONE complex. i can seriously see it from the way he talks. he's really really getting on my nerves especially since the start of this year. i pray every night that he changes to be a better person and he treats my mom better. WELL, HE DID & GUESS WHY. CAUSE HE NEEDED CASH. i feel like giving up on praying for him cause it never seems to work. i feel that praying for him is a lost cause already.

ok.. that was long.. lol.. ranted enough. well today i finally learnt how to make lime juice? as in the really nice one. hahaha. can't go to gameslab tomorrow cause of some appointment. well.. i really don't feel synchronised with God at all. i'm like super distant. i have no idea how i have drifted this far from God. i remember being very close to Him in the past but now.. it's like a whole new story. whenever i go back to church and all, my relationship with my family goes bad. i mean it's like whenever i try to go back to God the devil tries very hard to take me down. and this has happened many many times already. but i don't think thats the thing keeping me away from God.

anyway.. schools gonna start soon. business studies @np.. don't really know how i'm feeling about it. neutral i guess. but i really wanna go to scotland to study cause i really wanna get away from Singapore for awhile. i mean i've got some really great friends here but there's so little worth staying here for. and it's really a great experience and opportunity to be able to go there. haha.. well what a long post today.. longest i've ever typed i think.