hmm... today has not really been a fruitful day at all. whoever sees this better not tell anyone about this la.. so today.. my dad talked to my mum about selling the flat and shifting. like since they only paid very cheap for this house at the point in time where they bought it they will profit alot and my mum says she will have no problem funding my education in scotland? lol. but i'm gonna bet she's not gonna get a cent of it due to some idiot i'd hate to but have no choice but to call my father. the moment my mum told me of this i knew it's gonna be one of her biggest mistakes in her life. i really don't care whether or not who gets the money. it's just that the process and the hypocrisy behind it. i am more or less sure what is going through my father's mind.. i mean he's like gonna quit his job again with no spare job.. what the heck right. and he's gonna freeload on my mum again. i mean families go through bad and good times together but during his good times he's never here with us and only during the bad times he comes back for help.. i mean u may think i'm just a 16+ year old coming 17 this year teenager what do i know and who am i to talk about him like this.. but i've been seeing this crap for the past few years of my life and it's not really a pleasant sight and i don't intend to see it again. well.. i guess he is like this cause of his relationship with God? (actually there's no relationship with God at all, from my perspective) He is seriously too arrogant to humble himself down before God (again, who am i to say this.. just ranting) He thinks he's the best he refuses to be realistic and be down to earth and he's seriously starting to piss me off big time. i really pity my mum who works so hard (leaves home at 6.30 and reaches home at 11 on an average basis) and yet has to go through what she's going through. i mean now since he's got no income who's gonna pay the bills? who pays for my brother's tuition fees. even in his good times when he was doing well, it was my mum paying for my brother's and my education. i dare say that my mum contributed 100% to my education in terms of finance and time. all he ever did was give some pet talks which never seem to work and all he does is claim the credit. HERE's an example! when i got my o level results, which was not bad at all l1r5, 11, he was so proud about it and he attributed my success to his talks about getting my basics right? thats utter bullshit. it's through God and hard work. especially during chinese new year he would show off and show off to my other aunties and uncles about my grades and there's nothing i can do about it? worse thing is he seriously has this I-AM-BETTER-THAN-EVERYONE complex. i can seriously see it from the way he talks. he's really really getting on my nerves especially since the start of this year. i pray every night that he changes to be a better person and he treats my mom better. WELL, HE DID & GUESS WHY. CAUSE HE NEEDED CASH. i feel like giving up on praying for him cause it never seems to work. i feel that praying for him is a lost cause already.

ok.. that was long.. lol.. ranted enough. well today i finally learnt how to make lime juice? as in the really nice one. hahaha. can't go to gameslab tomorrow cause of some appointment. well.. i really don't feel synchronised with God at all. i'm like super distant. i have no idea how i have drifted this far from God. i remember being very close to Him in the past but now.. it's like a whole new story. whenever i go back to church and all, my relationship with my family goes bad. i mean it's like whenever i try to go back to God the devil tries very hard to take me down. and this has happened many many times already. but i don't think thats the thing keeping me away from God.

anyway.. schools gonna start soon. business studies @np.. don't really know how i'm feeling about it. neutral i guess. but i really wanna go to scotland to study cause i really wanna get away from Singapore for awhile. i mean i've got some really great friends here but there's so little worth staying here for. and it's really a great experience and opportunity to be able to go there. haha.. well what a long post today.. longest i've ever typed i think.

cruisers are nicer than breezers!! anw.. long day today ok not that long.. completed devil may cry 4 today.. yea its quite easy, fun too. anw went to eat botak jones then played pool at depot road. the botak burger is really nice and the serving is quite big. lol. went to play soccer at dover after that. well... alex and alden shouted outside my house damn loudly. quarreling. never seend alden like that before.. lol. bused back home. well my walk with God for the past year has be damn weak. hardly go to church. well.. its hard to get it back on track. seriously hate my father. as in not hate. i love him just that i really don't like his character.. but well, who am i to judge. lol.

is it that hard to let me say sorry? what the hell man.. anw got devil may cry 4 today compliments of my mum. went to clementi yamaha to look at some music stuff. got some sale there. today sucked. didnt go church. supposed to meet kenneth they all but ended up not going.. sian..

well day started out ok today. went with alex to collect his handphone to wheelock place. it was not even ready man.. lol. plz check before collecting next time la! then went to a clinic at shaw centre to collect medication for my mum. yeap. had lunch at nydc. then we met my mum at plaza sing then walked over to some other place for some meeting with some agent for my overseas studies. lol. now australia is out of the picture. seriously considering going to the uk to study. but its quite expensive.. 230k?? lol man.. really dun wanna end up screwing up and wasting my mums money. well really quite keen on going, just that.. umm yea dun really feel like staying in singapore. after that played soccer at dover there? yea. lol. came home & ordered macs........... feeling so screwed up now man... my walk with God is so screwed up.. everythings screwed up man... somemore like.. argh sian la..

lol.. i honestly honestly feel like going to australia already. lol. sucks lah... God bless. lol

well, really feel like leaving singapore and going to australia to study. i mean.. yea for a change & all. but i'm gotta leave so many things behind ok well not many mainly my family and 2 other close friends thats all. if i leave, i leave in april. lol

err well.. today was a long day. watched jumper in the morning. not that bad a show. i don't know why so many people rate it quite low. well, played pool as well. i think i've improved a fair bit. bought one republic and simple plan cds. well, i got accepted into np business studies but now i'm like given the choice to go australia to study? not really prepared to go there but i might go cause of all the time it will save. yesterday was great yea, ps i love you was not too bad. :) walk with God hasn't been going too well.. i should try my best to go church this sunday. anw games lab on saturday too. nowadays i don't really feel as excited about church activities as before. well.... life definitely feels different from 2 years back. lol.

maybe im not really as close to them as i thought. maybe..

OK! DECIDED TO START BLOGGING AGAIN! HAHA. haha buddy!! why are you doing this!! oh record time!! I STUDIED 5 HOURS! but not enough. o levels are super soon.. arghhh. must start doing qt already. severely spiritually unstable!! supposed to watch the rataouiee with alex and jerome BUT...... oh and i got new amps yesterday!! 30 watts HAHA! the effects are awesome especially the reverb. since my room is SO SMALL! the reverb helps alot. haha see ya!

feeling damnnnn lost now laa.

i hate myself i suck at everything!

went to watch harry potter today! late show!

i feel so colddd every night.

just for one day i wish i could disappear.. just one day.

...... today went to school.. lots of dumb things happened. during d&t after school matthews hand got splintered! and he was such a dumbooo haha! went to subway with alden and joel for dinner. hahahahaha.. do you laugh when you cry?

f.life

limiting my use of compputer so i can't blog everyday anymore. hhaha! feel like i am becoming more and more emo. i feel sad so easily nowadays. i wish i have no friends at all! the constant pressure that keeps hanging over me, that makes me feel so empty. f life.

woah! today was full of stuff. a mix of many many emotions! let's see, i was HAPPY:) SAD:( ANGRY!! REMORSEFULLLL REGRETFULL CONTENTEDD APPRECIATIVEE. i really really like christabel as A FRIEND, A GOOD ONE! and i thank God for her! :D ahh, quarrelled badly with my mom.. and though i aploagised i know the hurt i caused can't be gone just like that. i gotta redeem myself through my actions. so, i got 2 tickets for ndp preview... what shall i do with them! haah.. i don't know myself! my throat still hurts a little.. oral on monday!

ok.. so basically the last few days i was real sick. even gave chinese o level oral a miss. but thankfully i get to retake it on next monday! more time to prepare! :D ahh my throat hurts and i can't eat much!! went back to school today DESPITE MY SICKNESS TO DO D&T! AHAHHAHAHAHA

hhaha didn't blog yesterday as i was sick la.. super high fever!! so i shall blog about yesterday today. yesterday actually nothing much happened. didn't manage to go for amath tuition cause of fever. i really felt that i was going to die la! very scary.